SATURDAY, JUNE 30 2001
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.

FRIDAY, JUNE 29 2001
Research is the act of going up alleys to see if they are blind.

THURSDAY, JUNE 28 2001
Copying extensively from one source is plagiarism; copying extensively from several is research.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 27 2001
Clarke's First Law : - When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

TUESDAY, JUNE 26 2001
Before a war military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology.

MONDAY, JUNE 25 2001
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

SUNDAY, JUNE 24 2001
Science is the refusal to believe on the basis of hope.

SATURDAY, JUNE 23 2001
I like to browse in occult bookshops if for no other reason than to refresh my commitment to science.

FRIDAY, JUNE 22 2001
Any clod can have the facts; having opinions is an ART.

THURSDAY, JUNE 21 2001
If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20 2001
Science when well digested is nothing but good sense and reason.

TUESDAY, JUNE 19 2001
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.

MONDAY, JUNE 18 2001
Scientists are the easiest to fool. They think in straight, predictable, directable, and therefore misdirectable, lines. The only world they know is the one where everything has a logical explanation and things are what they appear to be. Children and conjurers -- they terrify me. Scientists are no problem; against them I feel quite confident.

SUNDAY, JUNE 17 2001
The great tragedy of Science -- the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.

SATURDAY, JUNE 16 2001
Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense, differing from the later only as a veteran may differ from a raw recruit: and its methods differ from those of common sense only as far as the guardsman's cut and thrust differ from the manner in which a savage wields his club.

FRIDAY, JUNE 15 2001
The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship.

THURSDAY, JUNE 14 2001
The origin of all science is the *desire to know causes*, and the origin of all false science and imposture is the desire to accept false causes rather than none; or, which is the same thing, in the unwillingness to acknowledge our own ignorance.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 13 2001
A science is any discipline in which the fool of this generation can go beyond the point reached by the genius of the last generation.

TUESDAY, JUNE 12 2001
It's hard to imagine anything more difficult to study than human sexuality, on every level from the technical to the political. One has only to picture monitoring orgasm in the lab to begin to grasp the challenge of developing testing techniques that are thorough and precise, yet respectful.

MONDAY, JUNE 11 2001
There are three schools of magic.
One   : State a tautology, then ring the changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy.
Two   : Record many facts. Try to find a pattern. Then make a wrong guess at the next fact; that's science.
Three : Be aware that you live in a malevolent Universe controlled by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's Factor; that's engineering.

SUNDAY, JUNE 10 2001
....I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

SATURDAY, JUNE 9 2001
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.

FRIDAY, JUNE 8 2001
That's the nature of research — you don't know what in hell you're doing.

THURSDAY, JUNE 7 2001
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 6 2001
Technology is a gift of God. After the gift of life it is perhaps the greatest of God's gifts. It is the mother of civilizations, of arts and of sciences.

TUESDAY, JUNE 5 2001
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

MONDAY, JUNE 4 2001
It has been a bitter mortification for me to digest the conclusion that the 'race is for the strong' and that I shall probably do little more but be content to admire the strides others made in science.

SUNDAY, JUNE 3 2001
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

SATURDAY, JUNE 2 2001
As soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss.

FRIDAY, JUNE 1 2001
If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.

THURSDAY, MAY 31 2001
The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 30 2001
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

TUESDAY, MAY 29 2001
Experience is the mother of science.

MONDAY, MAY 28 2001
May every young scientist remember... and not fail to keep his eyes open for the possibility that an irritating failure of his apparatus to give consistent results may once or twice in a lifetime conceal an important discovery.

SUNDAY, MAY 27 2001
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

SATURDAY, MAY 26 2001
The investigator should have a robust faith -- and yet not believe.

FRIDAY, MAY 25 2001
You will be able to appreciate the influence of such an Engine on the future progress of science. I live in a country which is incapable of estimating it.

THURSDAY, MAY 24 2001
When the lay public rallies round to an idea that is denounced by distinguished by elderly scientists and supports the idea with great fervor and emotion, the distinguished but elderly scientists are then, after all, right.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 23 2001
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I've found it!), but "That's funny..."

TUESDAY, MAY 22 2001
When I investigate and when I discover that the forces of the heavens and the planets are within ourselves, then truly I seem to be living among the gods.

MONDAY, MAY 21 2001
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.

SUNDAY, MAY 20 2001
...the genes almost always accurately reproduce. If they don't, you get one of the following results : One, monsters — that is, grossly malformed babies resulting from genetic mistakes. Years ago most monsters died, but now many can be saved. This has made possible the National Football League.

SATURDAY, MAY 19 2001
Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.

FRIDAY, MAY 18 2001
I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.

THURSDAY, MAY 17 2001
You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond reasonable doubt.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 16 2001
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?

TUESDAY, MAY 15 2001
It's great to be young and insane.

MONDAY, MAY 14 2001
Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid.

SUNDAY, MAY 13 2001
It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.

SATURDAY, MAY 12 2001
Mad, adj : Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

FRIDAY, MAY 11 2001
There was never a genius without a tincture of madness.

THURSDAY, MAY 10 2001
The churches must learn humility as well as teach it.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 9 2001
Christian Fundamentalism : The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe-spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.

TUESDAY, MAY 8 2001
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.

MONDAY, MAY 7 2001
I believe in God, I just don't like him.

SUNDAY, MAY 6 2001
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

SATURDAY, MAY 5 2001
There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.

FRIDAY, MAY 4 2001
My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image, to be servants of their human interests.

THURSDAY, MAY 3 2001
A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 2 2001
If a person wants to be atheistic it's his God-given right to be an atheist.

TUESDAY, MAY 1 2001
The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.

MONDAY, APRIL 30 2001
Who says I am not under the special protection of God?

SUNDAY, APRIL 29 2001
I could prove God statistically.

SATURDAY, APRIL 28 2001
I want to know all Gods thoughts... all the rest are just details.

FRIDAY, APRIL 27 2001
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

THURSDAY, APRIL 26 2001
I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25 2001
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him.

TUESDAY, APRIL 24 2001
An apology for the devil : it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.

MONDAY, APRIL 23 2001
Christian : One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

SUNDAY, APRIL 22 2001
To you, I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

SATURDAY, APRIL 21 2001
Nothing is really work unless you'd rather be doing something else.

FRIDAY, APRIL 20 2001
The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up.

THURSDAY, APRIL 19 2001
Procrastination is the thief of time.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 18 2001
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

TUESDAY, APRIL 17 2001
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me.

MONDAY, APRIL 16 2001
The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.

SUNDAY, APRIL 15 2001
For every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong.

SATURDAY, APRIL 14 2001
When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

FRIDAY, APRIL 13 2001
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.

THURSDAY, APRIL 12 2001
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 11 2001
Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

TUESDAY, APRIL 10 2001
Don't vote, it only encourages them.

MONDAY, APRIL 9 2001
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.

SUNDAY, APRIL 8 2001
Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on bugs.

SATURDAY, APRIL 7 2001
There is a certain inevitability to a couple of things. Death and taxes come to mind. However, death doesn't get worse every time the legislators come together.

FRIDAY, APRIL 6 2001
This last Presidential election was something like the sex life of many people. They had to settle for what they could get.

THURSDAY, APRIL 5 2001
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4 2001
Lighthouse : A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.

TUESDAY, APRIL 3 2001
A radical is a person with both feet firmly planted in the air.

MONDAY, APRIL 2 2001
Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressperson can.

SUNDAY, APRIL 1 2001
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.
      - E. B. White

SATURDAY, MARCH 31 2001
I've seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but I've seen more of them who were paralyzed in the head.

FRIDAY, MARCH 30 2001
Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.

THURSDAY, MARCH 29 2001
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 28 2001
No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

TUESDAY, MARCH 27 2001
Our elections are free -- it's in the results where eventually we pay.

MONDAY, MARCH 26 2001
Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.

SUNDAY, MARCH 25 2001
Democracy encourages the majority to decide things about which the majority is ignorant.
      - John Simon

SATURDAY, MARCH 24 2001
Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
      - George Bernard Shaw

FRIDAY, MARCH 23 2001
I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough.

THURSDAY, MARCH 22 2001
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 21 2001
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

TUESDAY, MARCH 20 2001
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

MONDAY, MARCH 19 2001
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

SUNDAY, MARCH 18 2001
Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
      - Ronald Reagan

SATURDAY, MARCH 17 2001
Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.

FRIDAY, MARCH 16 2001
No poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making other bastards die for their country.

THURSDAY, MARCH 15 2001
Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 14 2001
Nothing would please the Kremlin more than to have the people of this country choose a second rate president.

TUESDAY, MARCH 13 2001
In politics stupidity is not a handicap.

MONDAY, MARCH 12 2001
In political discussion heat is in inverse proportion to knowledge.

SUNDAY, MARCH 11 2001
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
      - H. L. Mencken

SATURDAY, MARCH 10 2001
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

FRIDAY, MARCH 9 2001
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
      - H. L. Mencken

THURSDAY, MARCH 8 2001
If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN'T SWIM

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7 2001
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.

TUESDAY, MARCH 6 2001
We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex -- but Congress can.

MONDAY, MARCH 5 2001
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.

SUNDAY, MARCH 4 2001
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.

SATURDAY, MARCH 3 2001
Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except all those others that have been tried from time to time.
      - Winston Churchill

FRIDAY, MARCH 2 2001
I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies.

THURSDAY, MARCH 1 2001
The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 28 2001
Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds.
      - Henry Adams

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 27 2001
A pessimist is someone who has had to listen to too many optimists.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 26 2001
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 25 2001
Don't ever become a pessimist, Ira; a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun -- and neither can stop the march of events.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 24 2001
The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 23 2001
I don't believe in pessimism. If something doesn't come up the way you want, forge ahead. If you think it's going to rain, it will.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 22 2001
Optimism: The doctrine that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. ...It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 21 2001
What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 20 2001
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 19 2001
These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 18 2001
A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 17 2001
There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 16 2001
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 15 2001
Eat a live frog, every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you all day.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 14 2001
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading one, so I woke up from sheer boredom.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 13 2001
All the sex and twice the violence... HARSH realm.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 12 2001
Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 11 2001
...an eternity with Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death shall be a picnic compared to five minutes with me... and this pencil.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 10 2001
If you want to commit suicide you can use my razor; it's electric, but you can hang yourself with the cord.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 9 2001
It's a useless but absolutely vital precaution.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 8 2001
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 7 2001
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 6 2001
The most difficult part of attaining perfection is finding something to do for an encore.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5 2001
In place of infinity we usually put some really big number, like 15.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 4 2001
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 3 2001
Some men are discovered; others are found out.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 2 2001
About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 1 2001
A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 31 2001
People can travel faster than sound, yes, but not nearly so fast as rumor!

TUESDAY, JANUARY 30 2001
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

MONDAY, JANUARY 29 2001
I am not sure what this is, but an 'F' would only dignify it.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 28 2001
In any closet, you can find it, if it is too small, or out of style, or there is just one of it where there should be two.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 27 2001
In its broadest ecological context, economic development is the development of more intensive ways of exploiting the natural environment.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 26 2001
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 25 2001
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 24 2001
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 23 2001
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

MONDAY, JANUARY 22 2001
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 21 2001
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 20 2001
Ideas won't keep; something must be done about them.
      - Alfred North Whitehead

FRIDAY, JANUARY 19 2001
I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 18 2001
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 17 2001
Since the mind is specific biocomputer it needs specific instruction and directions. The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, learn about them, or even seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 16 2001
It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

MONDAY, JANUARY 15 2001
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 14 2001
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 13 2001
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 12 2001
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 11 2001
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 10 2001
To those who think that the law of gravity interferes with their freedom, there is nothing to say.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 9 2001
He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving "normally."

MONDAY, JANUARY 8 2001
I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
      - Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 7 2001
After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
      - Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington Rhode Island.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 6 2001
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 5 2001
We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren't drinkin' aren't hittin'.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 4 2001
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 3 2001
Civilization is a progress from an indefinite, incoherent homogeneity toward a definite, coherent heterogeneity.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 2 2001
A kiss : To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.

MONDAY, JANUARY 1 2001
Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 31 2000
I often quote myself, it adds spice to my conversation.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 30 2000
It constantly confounds me that not only the young, but also many certified intellectuals accept uncritically the superiority of spontaneous or unconscious products of mind over those subjected to conscious, rational control.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 29 2000
It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 28 2000
Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 27 2000
However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner... sulking and nausea.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 26 2000
If you are going to do something wrong at least enjoy it.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 25 2000
Man tends to root for the underdog, because he fears that he will find himself in that same position far too often.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 24 2000
There just isn't any pleasing some people. The trick is to stop trying.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23 2000
Yea, though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22 2000
I didn't think; I experimented.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21 2000
We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20 2000
Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19 2000
Plato had slaves... George Washington had slaves... So, do I feel intrinsically better than these two men? Of course I do! They're dead!

MONDAY, DECEMBER 18 2000
Human beings, for all their pretensions, have a remarkable propensity for lending themselves to classification somewhere within neatly labelled categories. Even the outrageous exceptions may be classified as outrageous exceptions!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 17 2000
Friends will keep you sane,
Love could fill your heart,
A lover can warm your bed,
But lonely is the soul without a mate.
      - David Pratt on alt.soulmates

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16 2000
There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling and technicians. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with technicians.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 15 2000
They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 14 2000
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 13 2000
I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12 2000
Nirvana or lasting enlightenment or true spiritual growth can be achieved only through persistent exercise of real love.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 11 2000
Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 10 2000
And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 9 2000
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8 2000
The sooner you make your first five thousand mistakes the sooner you will be able to correct them.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7 2000
I don't mind occasionally having to reinvent a wheel; I don't even mind using someone's reinvented wheel occasionally. But it helps a lot if it is symmetric, contains no fewer than ten sides, and has the axle centered. I do tire of trapezoidal wheels with offset axles.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 6 2000
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 5 2000
My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 4 2000
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
      - A. A. Milne

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 3 2000
There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 2 2000
When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 1 2000
The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 30 2000
Some people have so much respect for their superiors they have none left for themselves.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 29 2000
I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 28 2000
It's only words . . . unless they're true.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 27 2000
Every man is the architect of his own life. He builds it just the way he wants it. However, after he has built what he wants, he sometimes decides that he doesn't like what he has built and looks for someone or something to blame instead of changing himself.
      - Sidney Madwed

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 26 2000
Your grandchildren will likely find it incredible -- or even sinful -- that you burned up a gallon of gasoline to fetch a pack of cigarettes!

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 25 2000
There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order to things.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 24 2000
It takes less time to do a thing right than explain why you did it wrong.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 23 2000
Nearly all men can stand adveristy, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 22 2000
Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 21 2000
A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on.
      - John F. Kennedy

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 20 2000
Men do not invent Myths. They only invent fables, and tell lies. True Myths create themselves, and find their expression in the men who serve their purpose.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 19 2000
We participate in a tragedy; at a comedy we only look.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 18 2000
Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 17 2000
Nothing else in the world . . . not all the armies . . . is so powerful as an idea whose time has come.
      - Victor Hugo

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 16 2000
No one ever gets far unless he accomplishes the impossible at least once a day.
      - Elbert Hubbard

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15 2000
I find that the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving; To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it -- but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 14 2000
The paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace the hardcover book -- it makes a very poor doorstop.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 13 2000
I'm not against the police; I'm just afraid of them.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 12 2000
There is nothing quite so good as burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 11 2000
Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 10 2000
The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 9 2000
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 8 2000
The truly proud man knows neither superiors or inferiors. The first he does not admit of -- the last he does not concern himself about.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 7 2000
One can be instructed in society, one is inspired only in solitude.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 6 2000
A kiss : the anatomical juxtaposition of 2 orbicularis oris muslces in a state of contraction.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 5 2000
Expressing anger is a form of public littering.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 4 2000
The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 3 2000
Creativity often consists of merely turning up what is already there. Did you know that right and left shoes were thought up only a little more than a century ago?
      - Bernice Fitz-Gibbon

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 2 2000
For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 1 2000
Wherever a set of alternative possible routes toward achieving a given end presents itself, a student movement will tend to choose the one which involves a higher measure of violence or humiliation directed against the older generation.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 31 2000
A signature always reveals a man's character -- and sometimes even his name.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 30 2000
Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 29 2000
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 28 2000
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27 2000
The principle of maximum diversity operates both at the physical and at the mental level. It says that the laws of nature and the initial conditions are such as to make the universe as interesting as possible. As a result, life is possible but not too easy. Always when things are dull, something new turns up to challenge us and to stop us from settling into a rut. Examples of things which make life difficult are all around us: comet impacts, ice ages, weapons, plagues, nuclear fission, computers, sex, sin and death. Not all challenges can be overcome, and so we have tragedy. Maximum diversity often leads to maximum stress. In the end we survive, but only by the skin of our teeth.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 26 2000
How often have I said to you that when you heve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 25 2000
We owe most of what we know to about one hundred men. We owe most of what we have suffered to another hundred or so.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 24 2000
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 23 2000
Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 22 2000
I'll play with it first and tell you what it is later.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 21 2000
Fans are interesting things. Rush fans just can't comprehend why the rest of the world doesn't like Rush. Rem fans consider the rest of the world beneath their social level to notice. Kate Bush fans love the rest of the world, and the world loves them, but spend long nights plotting to knife one another.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 20 2000
There are, of course, several things in Ontario that are more dangerous than wolves. For instance, the step-ladder.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 19 2000
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 18 2000
It's a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 17 2000
Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 16 2000
There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 15 2000
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 14 2000
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 13 2000
There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 12 2000
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 11 2000
Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 10 2000
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 9 2000
Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 8 2000
I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from you.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 7 2000
Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
      - Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 6 2000
The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
      - Robert Bloch

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 5 2000
What is now proved was once only imagined.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 4 2000
The Social Sciences are good at accounting for disasters once they have taken place.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 3 2000
Bigot : One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 2 2000
Belladonna : In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 1 2000
A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 30 2000
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 2000
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 2000
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27 2000
A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26 2000
The real danger from advertising is that it helps to shatter and ultimately destroy our most precious non-material possessions : the confidence in the existence of meaningful purposes of human activity and respect for the integrity of man.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 2000
Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 2000
I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 23 2000
That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 2000
Miscellaneous is always the largest category.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 2000
When a stupid person is doing something it is ashamed of, it always declares that it is his job.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 2000
Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19 2000
There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the real labor of thinking.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 2000
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 2000
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16 2000
Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15 2000
The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14 2000
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13 2000
I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12 2000
The mind has exactly the same power as the hands : not merely to grasp the world, but to change it.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 2000
The function of genius is not to give new answers, but to pose new questions -- which time and mediocrity can solve.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 2000
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 9 2000
Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 8 2000
If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 2000
The intelligent man is one who has successfully fulfilled many accomplishments, and is yet willing to learn more.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 2000
In fact, one thing that I have noticed . . . is that all of these conspiracy theories depend on the perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find the facts also work if you assume everyone is endlessly stupid.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5 2000
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 2000
The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 2000
Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 2 2000
Genius not only diagnoses the situation but supplies the answers.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 1 2000
Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 31 2000
That we can comprehend the little we know already is mindboggling in itself.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 30 2000
Don't play dumb. You're not as good at it as I am.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 29 2000
George was a great dunce, but no matter for that : all men do not thrive in the world according to their learning.

MONDAY, AUGUST 28 2000
Intellectual brilliance is no guarantee against being dead wrong.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 27 2000
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 26 2000
There are only two truly infinite things, the universe and stupidity. And I am unsure about the universe.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 25 2000
Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in jeopardy.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 24 2000
Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 23 2000
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 22 2000
Since when was genius found respectable?

MONDAY, AUGUST 21 2000
95% of this game is half mental.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 20 2000
Sometimes it's useful to know how large your zero is.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 19 2000
This makes sense. This over here, this does not make sense. That's why I called it algebra.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 18 2000
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 17 2000
There is nothing that can be said by mathematical symbols and relations which cannot also be said by words. The converse, however, is false. Much that can be and is said by words cannot successfully be put into equations, because it is nonsense.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 16 2000
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen : whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 15 2000
You can pay attention to the fact, in which case you'll probably become a mathematician, or you can ignore it, in which case you'll probably become a physicist.

MONDAY, AUGUST 14 2000
Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 13 2000
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 12 2000
University President: "Why is it that you physicists always require so much expensive equipment? Now the Department of Mathematics requires nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers . . . and the Department of Philosophy is better still. It doesn't even ask for erasers."

FRIDAY, AUGUST 11 2000
My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two twenties.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 10 2000
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 9 2000
There is one thing more exasperating than a spouse who can cook and won't, and that's a spouse who can't cook and will.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 8 2000
Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long together if ever we had been married?

MONDAY, AUGUST 7 2000
Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains, but you'd be surprised at how many re-enlist.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 6 2000
There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 5 2000
Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked 'petite' and hold on to the receipt.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 4 2000
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 3 2000
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 2 2000
It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your parents will not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings...

TUESDAY, AUGUST 1 2000
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.

MONDAY, JULY 31 2000
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

SUNDAY, JULY 30 2000
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

SATURDAY, JULY 29 2000
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

FRIDAY, JULY 28 2000
Breast feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.

THURSDAY, JULY 27 2000
My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 26 2000
It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.

TUESDAY, JULY 25 2000
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

MONDAY, JULY 24 2000
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

SUNDAY, JULY 23 2000
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.

SATURDAY, JULY 22 2000
Many a young lady does not realize just how strong her love for a young man is until he fails to pass the approval test with her parents.

FRIDAY, JULY 21 2000
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
      - Oscar Wilde

THURSDAY, JULY 20 2000
Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Connors. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford - but you'll take him anyway.
      - Judith Viorst

WEDNESDAY, JULY 19 2000
Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.

TUESDAY, JULY 18 2000
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

MONDAY, JULY 17 2000
In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
      - Mignon McLaughlin

SUNDAY, JULY 16 2000
Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

SATURDAY, JULY 15 2000
People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense.

FRIDAY, JULY 14 2000
Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and VERY important.

THURSDAY, JULY 13 2000
Love is not blind — it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
      - Rabbi Julins Gordon

WEDNESDAY, JULY 12 2000
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.

TUESDAY, JULY 11 2000
Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired.

MONDAY, JULY 10 2000
Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality.

SUNDAY, JULY 9 2000
There are very few people who are not ashamed of having been in love when they no longer love each other.

SATURDAY, JULY 8 2000
No, this trick won't work... How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?
      - Albert Einstein

FRIDAY, JULY 7 2000
Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

THURSDAY, JULY 6 2000
You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 5 2000
Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can : all of them make me laugh.

TUESDAY, JULY 4 2000
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

MONDAY, JULY 3 2000
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.

SUNDAY, JULY 2 2000
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

SATURDAY, JULY 1 2000
When I come upon anything -- in Logic or in any other hard subject -- that entirely puzzles me, I find it a capital plan to talk it over, aloud, even when I am all alone. One can explain things so clearly to one's self! And then, you know, one is so patient with one's self : one never gets irritated at one's own stupidity!