A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Curacao to A'dam. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa."

Again she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says : "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!!!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes his laptop and searches all his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and gets back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little mifffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer???"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

And you thought blondes were dumb.

Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A : Shine a flashlight in her ear!

Q : Do you know why a blonde throws water on a computer?
A : So she can surf on the Internet.

There was a typical blond. She had long, blond hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blond jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.

"Well, thank you," said the herder.

"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?"

"Sure," said the sheep herder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382."

"Wow," said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you."

"What is it?" queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to offer them a drink on the house.

When he gets close he hears one say to the other, "Here's to 17 days!"

Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"

Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch.

After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

The cashier leaned over the counter and said, "Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg."

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station cuts to a commercial.

Brunette : I bet you $20 he's going to jump.

Blonde   : OK.

(back to newscast)

He jumps.

Blonde   : OK, here's my $20.

Brunette : No, that was too easy. I can't take it.

Blonde   : I insist. I lost.

Brunette : I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.

Blonde   : I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump twice.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave oven," he replied.

A blonde called the fire department. She screams into the phone.

"Hurry, come quick! My house is on fire."

The fire chief replied, "OK, but how do we get to your house?"

The blond said, "Duh, red truck!"

In Las Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the soda cans.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and shouts in her face : "Can't you see I'm winning???"

Q : What do you call a blonde in a library?
A : Lost.

Q : What's the definition of 'Gross Ignorance?'
A : 144 blondes.

Q : What is 20/20?
A : The IQ of blonde twins.

Q : What do you call a smart blonde?
A : A golden retriever.

Q : How can one tell when a blonde is a good cook?
A : When the blonde serves the poptart in one piece.

Q : How can you tell if the blonde biker is an aristocrat?
A : No spelling errors on her tattoos.

Q : Hear about the blonde who tried playing water polo?
A : She drowned her horse.

Q : How many blondes does it take to make popcorn?
A : 3. One to hold the pot and the other to shake the stove.

Q : What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A : Pregnant.

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said : "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

A blond woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"

The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."

The blond then asks, "What does it do?"

The clerk says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

So she buys one. The next day, she brings it to work with her.

Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?"

She replies, "It's a thermos."

He asks, "What does it do?"

She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

He then asks, "What do you have in there?"

"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

It was a hot and humid July afternoon, when I decided to visit my girlfriend, Susie. Susie may be blonde and beautiful, but sometimes she is, shall we say, lacking in other areas. Well Susie had decided her kitchen needed repainting, and instead of hiring a professional, decided to do it herself. I thought she might appreciate a break and brought over some cold beer and some sandwiches.

When I arrived, I found Susie working hard painting the kitchen walls. But instead of wearing old clothes, she was wearing her fur coat and her ski parka. I asked her why she was dressed that way on such a hot day. She brought me the paint bucket and told me to read the instructions. I did.

It said... "For best results, put on two coats."

Q : What do you call an eternity?
A : Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q : What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A : You always hear about them but never see them.

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them a wish.

The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

A blonde sent a post card home : It read :
"Having a wonderful time... Where am I?"

Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"

"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.

"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.

"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, great! You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.

"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.

"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door.

"I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner.

The man was amazed.

"You painted the whole porch?"

"Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"

The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.

"Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job.

At the end of the first day the redhead had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles. The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day the redhead painted 5 miles and the brunette 5.6 miles and the blonde 4 miles he told her not to worry you still have a good lead.

So, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles and the blonde only one mile.

The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so good."

She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."

Three women were about to be executed. One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde.

The guard brought the first woman, the brunette, forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests.

She said no and the executioner shouted... Ready... Aim...!! and suddenly the brunette yelled, "EARTHQUAKE!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.

So they brought up the redhead and asked if she had any last requests. She said no, and the executioner shouted... Ready... Aim...!! and suddenly the redhead yelled, "TORNADO!" Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.

Well, by now, the blonde had it all figured out. They brought her forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests. She said no and the executioner shouted... Ready... Aim...!! and the blonde yelled, "FIRE!"

A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her.

Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, "Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated in first class; I'm afraid you'll have to move."

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model."

Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant.

The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, "I'm sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back."

The blonde replies, sweetly, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model" - and shows no signs of moving.

Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes the blonde seated comfortably in first class. Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into the blonde's ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment.

Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, "Captain, I'm impressed... what did you say to her?"

The captain grinned slyly and said, "I just told her that the first class cabin doesn't go to New York."

Q : Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
A : She had it bronzed.

Q : Why did the blonde have 17 friends accompany her to the movies?
A : The sign said "Under 18 not admitted."

Q : Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
A : So men can remember them.

Q : What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A : Gifted!

Q : How do blonde braincells die?
A : Alone.

Q : How do you brainwash a blonde?
A : Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q : What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A : Artificial intelligence.

Q : Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A : Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q : Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A : She'd just dyed her hair.

Q : Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A : She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q : Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A : To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q : Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A : You can park in the handicap zone.

Q : Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A : It takes too long to retrain them.

Q : How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A : There's white-out on the screen.

Q : What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A : She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9...

Q : Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A : (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q : How do you kill a blonde?
A : Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q : How do blondes pierce their ears?
A : They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q : Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A : They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Q : What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A : All you can eat, under a buck.

Q : Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A : Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q : Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A : They can't find the zipper.

Q : Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A : Because red means stop.

Q : Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A : Because they can spell it.

Q : What is 74 to a blonde?
A : 69 plus G.S.T.

Q : Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A : Toes Go In First.

Q : What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A : "Thanks for the refill!"

Q : What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A : Data transfer.

Q : Why do blondes have more fun?
A : Because they don't know any better.

Q  : How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1 : "What's a lightbulb?"
A2 : One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3 : Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
A4 : None. They can't fit.

Q : What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A : "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

Q : What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
A : Gee, are you sure it's mine?

Q : What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A : "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q : How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A : Tell her she's pregnant.

Q : What will she ask you?
A : "Is it mine?"

Q : Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A : The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Q : Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A : To see what was on the other side.

Q : What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A : Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q : If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A : The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q : What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers' disease?
A : Her IQ goes up!

Q : What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up.

Q : How do you drown a blond?
A : Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Q : How do you drown a blonde?
A : Don't tell her to swallow.

Q  : How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1 : 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2 : Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q : What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A : Proofreading.

Q : Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A : For throwing out the W's.

Q : How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A : The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q : What's the Blonde's cheer?
A : " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well... I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q : Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A : Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q : How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A : She threw it off a cliff.

Q : How does a blonde high-5?
A : She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q : Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A : Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Q  : Why do blondes have legs?
A1 : So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2 : To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3 : So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q : How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A : Flattered.

Q : Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A : They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.

Q : What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A : An interpreter.

Q : What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A : A mental block.

Q : What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A : A wind tunnel.

Q : What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A : A dope ring.

Q : What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A : Frosted Flakes.

Q : What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A : Frosted Flakes.

Q : What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A : Last year's hide-and-seek world champion.

Q : What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A : A Space Invader.

Q : What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A : Branch Manager.

Q : What do you call a smart blonde?
A : A labrador.

Q : What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A : "Oh look, Daddy! Doughnut seeds!"

Q : Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A : To cover up the valve stem.

Q : What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A : Spot.

Q : What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A : Air Supply.

Q : What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A : The back of her head.

Q : Why do blondes drive VWs?
A : Because they can't spell PORSCHE!

Q : How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A : Tell her a joke on Friday night!

Q : Why did God create blondes?
A : Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q : Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A : So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

Q : Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A : A blonde electrician.

Q  : Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1 : So brunettes can remember them.
A2 : Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

Q : Why are blondes hurt by peoples' words?
A : Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q : What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A : "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q : How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A : You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q : How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A : Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself, "Oh well!" and turned around and drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.

A blonde and a brunette are walking along in a park.

The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."

The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop    : Do you know where you were going?

Blonde : No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911 :

Blonde   : We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator : Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde   : Yes.

Operator : The power in the house in on?

Blonde   : Of course.

Operator : And the switch is on?

Blonde   : Yes, yes.

Operator : And the bulb still won't light up?

Blonde   : No, it's working fine.

Operator : Then what's the problem?

Blonde   : We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

What about the blonde guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore.

So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore."

So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve."

So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too."

So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island.

The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"

So she swam back.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said, "Oh, look at the deer tracks."

The other blonde looks and says, "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."

"No. Those are deer tracks."

They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

Blonde #1 : I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Blonde #2 : Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

Did you hear about the blonde who :

had more on her body than on her mind?
was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

Q : What's the difference between a blond and a shopping cart.
A : A shopping cart has a mind of its own.

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her.

The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q : What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A : A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q : What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A : It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Q : What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A : A whine cellar.

Q : Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A : So she could keep the refrigerator cold!

Q : How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A : She fell out of the tree.

Q : What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A : An Air Bag.

Q : Why did the blonde cross the road?
A : Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?

Q : What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A : A thought.

Q : What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A : You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q : What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A : Bigfoot has been spotted.

1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
- Dolly Parton

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.

The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"

The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that...

- she called me to get my phone number.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
- she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she tried to drown a fish.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- at the bottom of the application where it says "Sign here"... she put Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
- she sold the car for gas money.
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.