An American and his Czechoslovakian friend were out walking in the forest. They rounded a corner and right in front of them stood a giant grizzly bear. Before they could make a move, the bear jumped up and ate the European.

The American turned and ran. He pulled out his cell phone and called the local forest ranger. In no time, an experienced ranger was upon the scene, and they headed back to find the man eating bear.

They neared the site where the man was eaten. They came upon two bears, a male and a female. The ranger asked the American which bear ate his friend. The American replied that it had to be the male, the bigger of the two.

With that, the fearless ranger pulled out his hunting knife, and with one fell swoop, slashed open the belly of the female, and out popped his friend.


The moral of the story is : Never trust someone when they say the Czech is in the male...

The fresh smell of manure wafted from the inside of a barn. It caught the nose of a very hungry fly and in a second the fly went through the barn's open door and sat himself on top of a big, steamy horse dropping.

It was so tasty, the fly kept eating until he was ready to burst. He decided to leave, but because he was so full, when he flapped his little wings, he went nowhere.

The fly looked around the barn, trying to figure out how he'd be able to get out of there. He finally spied a pitchfork standing up against a wall and he thought if he could walk to the top of the pitchfork, he could use it as a launch pad and surely be able to fly away.

It was an arduous walk, but the fly removed himself from the dungpile, walked across the floor to the pitchfork, then slowly made his way to the top. He flapped his wings, then pushed off his body.

But alas, he was still too heavy and fell to the floor and splattered when he landed.


The moral of the story is : Don't fly off the handle when you're full of shit!

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree over there," sighed the pheasant, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" the bull asked. "They're packed with nutrients."

The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch, and so on.

Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree, whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun and blew the pheasant into little bitty pieces.


The moral of the story is : Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.

A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered : "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a sly fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


The moral of the story is : To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

A turkey was standing in a field chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch, and so on.

Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree, whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun and shot the turkey out of the tree.


The moral of the story is : Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!


The morals of the story are :
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around and some simply just idling... The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces... The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but... well, you get the idea!

There was a software engineer, who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by his childhood story of the lumberjack and axe, he started praying for the River Goddess. River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers.

The engineer told her that he lost his computer in the river. As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She picked up a match box and asked, "Is this your computer?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, "No," replied the SWE. Then she picked up a pocket sized calculator and asked if that was it. Annoyed by this, the SWE said, "No, not at all," and also thought of educating the Goddess about computers. Then she picked up his Pentium and asked if it was his. The SWE, left with no option, sighed and said, "Yes!" and took his machine.

The Goddess was happy for his honesty and was about to give the previous objects also to him. But even before she could make the offer, the SWE asked the Goddess, "Don't you know that you should show me some better computers, before bringing up my own?"

Goddess, apparently angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were Millennium and Trillennium, the latest computers from IBM," and disappeared. The Pentium followed her.


The moral of the story is : If you don't know much, better keep quiet.

The bad and ugly king had a beautiful girl as a captive. Though her beauty shone like a thousand moons (and her moon wasn't so bad either), the dress she was forced to wear was very unbecoming.

She waited day and night, looking out with hope out the dungeon window, searching for the knight who would free her. However, every knight was scared away by her dress, which, as I've said before, was very ugly.

She was crying in hopelessness when the evil king jeered,... "See, I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!!!"

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to our master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it up a bit. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure. The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I put it to good use. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."


The moral of the story is : Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. In this world, nothing goes to waste. You may think like the cracked pot that you are inefficient or useless in certain areas of your life, but somehow these flaws can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Remember, nobody is perfect.