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11 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers :
1. In the bus : A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question : Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer : No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia... why don't you try again or should i try this time?
2. At the movies : When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question : Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer : Well, it's so hot, there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.
3. At a funeral : One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question : Why, why him, of all people?
Answer : Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant : When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question : Is the "blah blah blah" dish good?
Answer : No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.
5. In an office when you resign
Stupid Question : Why have you left your job?
Answer : It was a great job, terrific one, a dream job, but I thought I would miss it when I retire after 30 years, so I am preparing myself for that now.
6. At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question : Boy, you've become so big.
Answer : Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
7. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question : Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer : No, he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout... it's just the money.
8. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question : Sorry, were you sleeping?
Answer : No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?
9. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question : Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer : No, its autumn and I'm shedding...
10. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth
Stupid Question : Tell me if it hurts?
Answer : And while I'm telling you, you tell me if I bite.
11. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question : Oh, so you smoke.
Answer : No, it's a miracle... it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!
Q : If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
A : Made her chain too long.
Q : Why does the bride always wear white?
A : Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
Q : Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A : He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q : Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
A : Two mothers-in-law.
Q : Why do men die before their wives?
A : They want to.
Q : What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A : Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q : Why are men and parking spaces alike?
A : Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.
Q : Why are men like public toilets?
A : Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of crap.
Q : What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A : If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
Q : How do men sort their laundry?
A : "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Q : What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A : The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Q : Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A : Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
Q : Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A : Because they are stupid.
Q : If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A : Who cares???
Q : What did God say after he created man?
A : "I can do better than this!"
Q : What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A : i) no mind
ii) no business
Q : Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A : Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.
Q : What is gross stupidity?
A : 144 men in one room.
Q : What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A : Exchange him!!!
Q : Why do men like smart women?
A : Opposites attract.
Q : What do men and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up!
Q : Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A : When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
Q : What do you call a handcuffed man?
A : Trustworthy.
Q : Why are men like commercials?
A : You can't believe a word they say.
Q : Why are men like blenders?
A : You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Q : What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
A : When the power goes off.
Q : What do men and women have in common?
A : They both distrust men.
Q : What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A : His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q : How is a man like the weather?
A : Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Q : What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A : They're married.
Q : Why don't men often show their true feelings?
A : Because they don't have feelings.
Q : What is brown and sits in the forest?
A : Winnie's poo.
Q : What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
A : "Dam."
Q : What do you get from a pampered cow?
A : Spoiled milk.
Q : Where do you find a no legged dog?
A : Right where you left him!
Q : What do you call little bugs that live on the moon?
A : Luna-ticks.
Q : Why don't blind people skydive?
A : Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
Q : What has four legs and an arm?
A : A happy pit-bull.
Q : Why do hens lay eggs?
A : If they dropped them, they'd break.
Q : Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A : If they lived near the bay, they'd be bagels.
Q : Why do cows wear bells?
A : Because their horns don't work.
Q : Where does a one-armed man shop?
A : At a second hand store.
Q : Have you seen Quasimodo?
A : I have a hunch he's back!
Q : Why was the airhead staring at the orange juice container??
A : Because the carton said "CONCENTRATE" on it.
Q : Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A : He sold his soul to Santa.
Q : Hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A : He's all right now.
Q : How do crazy people go through the forest?
A : They take the psycho path.
Q : What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
A : National Dyslexics Association.
Q : What do you call Santa's helpers?
A : Subordinate Clauses.
Q : What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
A : Quatro sinko.
Q : What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A : A stick.
Q : What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A : Nacho Cheese.
Q : What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A : Sanka.
Q : ...and what kind of lettuce?
A : Iceberg.
Q : How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A : None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
Q : How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
A : She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
Q : How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A : Two. One to hold the bulb, and another to drink until the room spins.
Q : How many psychiatrists do it take to change a light bulb?
A : One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
Q : How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A : Three, One to screw it in and two to sue for unsafe working conditions.
Q : How many graduate students does it take?
A : One, but it takes six years.
Q : How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
A : None. They just let it burn out then follow it around for twenty years.
Q : Why does it take 4 women with PMS to change a light bulb?
A : IT JUST DOES, OKAY!?!?!
Q : How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
A : Left the plunger in the toilet.
Q : What do you call a cow with no legs?
A : Ground Beef.
Q : What do you call a 100 lawyers parachuting from an airplane?
A : Skeet.
Q : Why don't sharks attack lawyers swimming in the ocean?
A : Professional courtesy.
Q : What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A : Not enough sand.
What's the full form of GOD? -- Generator, Operator and Destroyer.
Q : What is grey and not there.
A : No elephants.
Q : Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A : Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin!
Q : What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A : An inside out elephant.
Q : What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A : Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Q : How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A : With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q : How do you shoot a red elephant?
A : No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q : How do you shoot a green elephant?
A : Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q : How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A : Ever seen a yellow elephant? (stup-pid, fuul, idyut!!!)
Q : How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A : Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
Q : If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A : No time at all -- it is already built.
Q : Which would you prefer to have, an old ten-dollar bill or a new one?
A : An old ten-dollar bill is worth ten times as much as a new one dollar bill.
Q : Approximately how many birthdays does the average Japanese woman have?
A : Just one. All the others are anniversaries.
Q : If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A : Very large hands.
Q : How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A : It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
Q : How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A : He sleeps at night.
Q : Why did they have to put a fence around the graveyard?
A : Because people were dying to get in.
Q : What should you do if a dog starts eating a dictionary?
A : Take the words right out of its mouth.
Q : What did one eye say to the other?
A : There's something between us that smells.
Q : What could you call a highly educated and skilled plumber?
A : A drain surgeon.
Q : What is too much for one, just right for two, but nothing for three?
A : A secret.
Q : What can a whole orange do that half an orange can't?
A : Look around.
Q : Why do we sing hymns in church and not hers?
A : Because they all end in amen and not women.
Q : Who were the first people to invent a plane that couldn't fly?
A : The wrong brothers.
Q : What is always coming but never arrives?
A : Tomorrow.
Q : How can you drop a pizza 10 feet without breaking it?
A : Drop it 11 feet and it won't break for the first 10.
Q : What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A : You really turn me on.
Q : What dress does everyone have but none wears?
A : Address.
Q : What nail doesn't a carpenter like to hit?
A : His finger nail.
Q : What is a volcano?
A : A hill with hiccups.
Q : What day of the year is a command to go forward?
A : March 4th.
Q : Do you ever have trouble making up your mind?
A : Well, yes and no.
Q : When did George Washington die?
A : Two days before his FUNERAL.
Q : How do you kill an Aggie?
A : Sneak up on him while he's getting a drink of water, then slam the toilet seat on his head.
Q : What is an adult?
A : Someone who has stopped growing, except around the waist.
Q : Did you hear about the new daredevil, Ku Klux Knievel?
A : He's going to try to jump over 50 blacks with a steamroller!
Q : Have you heard about the new internet server?
A : It's called America Off-line. For $4.98/mo you're guaranteed never to get on.
Q : How do you catch a polar bear?
A : You cut a hole in the ice. Then you open a can of peas. Place the peas next to the hole in the ice. When the bear comes to take a pea... you kick him in the ice hole.
Q : Should women have children after 35?
A : No, 35 children are enough!
Q : Did you hear about the two blood corpuscles named Romeo and Juliet?
A : They loved in vein.