Q : What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A : 45 lbs.

Q : What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A : 45 minutes.

Q : What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A : One is a bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.

Q : What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A : After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q : What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A : A battery has a positive side.

Q : What is the difference between Michael Jackson and 'The X-Files'?
A : One of them is very spooky, while 'The X-Files' is just a TV series!

Q : What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A : Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Q : What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A : The taste.

Q : What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A : Anyone can roast beef.

Q : What's the difference between government bonds and men?
A : Bonds mature.

Q : What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A : E.T. phoned home.

Q : What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
A : One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

Q : What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
A : The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.

Q : What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A : I don't know, I've never seen either.

Q : What is the difference between men and pigs?
A : Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q : What is the difference between a locomotive engineer & a teacher?
A : One minds the train, the other trains the mind.

Q : What is the difference between a girl and a postage stamp?
A : One is a fe male and the other is a mail fee.

Q : What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
A : About five drinks.

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.

Q : What is ANOTHER difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY?
A : A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!

Q : What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A : There are skid marks before the snake.