Dear friends

Some very interesting facts to make me even more proud about India & fellow Indians!

Matter below is not my own research but the hard facts published in various medias.


Q : Who is the Co-founder of Sun Microsystems (The company which is sweeping the internet with its brainchild Java)
A : Vinod Khosla.

Q : Who is the Creator of Pentium Chip (Needs no introduction, 90% of the today's computers run on it)
A : Vinod Dahm.

Q : Who is the third richest person on the world?
A : According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, it is Aziz Premji, CEO, Wipro. The Sultan of Brunei is at 6th position now.

Q : Who is the current president of AT & T Bell Labs?
A : Arun Netravalli.

Q : Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail (Hotmail is world's No. 1 web based email program)
A : Sabeer Bhatia.

Q : Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?
A : Rajiv Gupta.

Q : Who is the Testing Director of Windows 2000?
A : Sanjay Tejwrika.

Q : The Chief Executives of CitiBank, Mckensey, Stanchart?
A : Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta, Rana Talwar.

Q : Who are CEOs of the following well known companies? (Please find the answers yourself) -
AppNet
America Online (The Largest ISP in the World)
WebMethods
Lucent Technologies (Pioneer in Fiber Optics)
Proxicom
Network Solutions (The sole web domain assigner)
General Dynamics Corporation
Lazard Freres
Litton PRC
Columbia Capital
Primus Communications
Discovery Communications
Bell Atlantic
Cable & Wireless
The Motley Fool
Hughes Network Systems
Cybercash
MCI Worldcom
PSINet
Motorola
MicroStrategy
Equalfooting.com
Teligent, Inc.
MindBank
U.S. Airways
CIENA Corp.
BioNetrix
Net 2000 Communications
Computer Associates
SAIC
Startec
INOVA Health System
Cvent.com
Eglobe
Metrocall, Inc.
DynCorp
Consumer Elec. Ass'n
The Carlyle Group
Cyveillance
Nextel Communications
Fannie Mae
Intelsat
Draper Atlantic
Venture Fund, L.P.
Freddie Mac
Manugistics
Raytheon Systems Corporation
Spacevest
HSBC
United Airlines
Chief of BELL LABS - New Jersey

What did you find?
Do you find anything common between them?
Yes, they are all Indians.

Proud To Be An Indian

We are known as the Indian Mafia (or Internet Mafia). We are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America, even faring better than the whites and the natives.

There are 3.22 Million Indians in America.

38% of Doctors in America are Indians.
12% of Scientists in America are Indians.
36% of NASA employees are Indians.
34% of MICROSOFT employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of INTEL employees are Indians.
13% of XEROX employees are Indians.
23% of Indian Community in America is having Green-Card.


Some of these facts may be known to you.

These facts were recently published in a German magazine which deals with WORLD HISTORY.

FACTS ABOUT INDIA

a. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.

b. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

c. The World's first university was established in Takshila in 700 BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.

d. Sanskrit is the mother of all the European languages. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software reported in Forbes magazine, July 1987.

e. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Today Ayurveda is fast regaining its rightful place in our civilization.

f. Although modern images of India often show poverty and lack of development, India was the richest country on earth until the time of British invasion in the early 17th Century.

g. The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindh 6000 years ago. The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit 'Nou'.

h. Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. Time taken by earth to orbit the sun : (5th century) 365.258756484 days.

i. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians.

j. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India; Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th Century; The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 10 6 (10 to the power of 6) whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 1053 (10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BCE during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera 1012 (10 to the power of 12).

k. According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source for diamonds to the world.

i. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion in the world scientific community that the pioneer of Wireless communication was Prof. Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.

m. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.

n. According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150 CE a beautiful lake called 'Sudarshana' was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta Maurya's time.

o. Chess (Shataranja or AshtaPada) was invented in India.

p. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical equipments were used. Deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion, metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.

q. When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization)

r. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.


QUOTES ABOUT INDIA

a. Albert Einstein said : We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.

b. Mark Twain said : India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. Our most valuable and most structive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.

c. French scholar Romain Rolland said : If there is one place on the face of earth where all the dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is India.

d. Hu Shih, former Ambassador of China to USA said : India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border.


All of above is just the TIP of the iceberg, the list could be endless.

BUT, if we don't see even a glimpse of that great India in the India that we see today, it clearly means that we are not working to our potential, and that if we do, we could once again be blazing a path for rest of the world to follow.

HOW ABOUT PASSING THIS MESSAGE ONTO AS MANY INDIANS AS YOU CAN!!!

Imagine Guru Dutt after working for few months in the Software Industry would make a movie "Software Ke Phool" and include the following song :

Yeh document, yeh meetings, yeh features ki duniya,
yeh insaan ke dushman, cursors ki duniya
yeh deadlines ke bhooke, management ki duniya;
yeh Product agar ban bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Yahaan ek khilona hai programmer ki hasti
ye basti hai murda bug-fixers ki basti
yahaan par to raises hai, inflation se sasti
yeh Review agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Har ek keyboard ghayal, har ek login pyaasi
excel mein uljhan, winword mein udaasi
yeh office hai ya aalame microsoft ki
yeh Release agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Jalaa do ise, phoonk daalo yeh monitor
mere saamne se hataa daalo yeh modem
tumhaara hai tumhi sambhaalo yeh computer
yeh Product agar chal bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Applicant must have the following minimum qualification

1) Graduation in either or all of these : Medicine, Law, Agriculture, Sericulture, Biochemistry, Oriental languages, Performing arts, Archeology, Pleontology, Anthropology, Astronomy, Astrology, Journalism, Martial Arts, Fashion Designing, Catering, Lift Operating (Engg. graduates may also apply)

2) Experience in Cut & Paste Technology will be a distinct advantage.

3) Should have been an alumni of any respected mental institution for at least one month. Escapees can also apply.

Important : You must score a minimum of 80% in the GE section in order to qualify.

1) Prove Einstein's advanced theory of relativity in 2-3 words with a practical demonstration.
                                                                  (0.667)

2) Complete the following number series: 22, 14, 21, 14, 13, 7...... (Best of luck!)
                                                                (1.31415)

3) What is our distinguished CMD thinking of at this very moment (and I mean THIS very moment!)?
                                                                    (6.0)

4) Name all the archipelagoes found in the Pacific ocean.
                                                                    (.08)

5) Name Clinton's father-in-law's second sister's stepdaughter's third cousin's favourite ice-cream flavour?

1) n=RND(3*5+P("|")/t) for (i=0;i less than n;i++) {printf("Hello World");}
How many 'o's will be there in the output?
                                                                  (0.013)

2)What is the output of the following piece of C code :
for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("|"+(*u/4)%2);
                                        (no marks, anyone can solve this)

1) What is Jack Welch's favourite color?
                                                                  (1.99)

2) How many pillars and supporting columns are there in the famous GEIS headquarters?
                                                                  (2.01)

3) Which car is the favourite of Dunno K Gasliter, head boiler technician at GE ED&C?
                                                                  (2.99)

4) Which GE employee wrote the famous worker's anthem "My work makes me sleep"?
                                                                  (2.33)

5) Which GE employee had a baby girl with blue eyes on March 14 this year?
                                                                   (3.0)

1) Arnold Schwarzenneger :
   a) wrote Fractal algorithms
   b) discovered distributed databases concepts
   c) developed Object Oriented Programming Paradigm.
   d) is a movie star

2) Sunil Gavaskar was recently in the news for :
   a) climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro on his hands.
   b) broke Guinness world record in cowdung throwing.
   c) playing in World Cricket Master's series.
   d) beating his wife

3) Pink Floyd is known for :
   a) selling Pink cadillacs
   b) Music
   c) Floyding the pink
   d) Pinking the Floyd

4) India's best software company is :
   a) Software Pirates Inc.
   b) Data solutions
   c) Microsoft
   d) Popatlal Software Bhandar

5) Our employees are popularly known as :
   a) Bond(ed) employees
   b) Bricks in the wall
   c) Cut n' pasters
   d) Bodies

1) Total Quality Management is :
   a) Entertaining the BVQI auditors
   b) Last minute frantic coverups
   c) classifying bugs as random features.
   d) change Quality documents itself, to suit present day chaos.

2) What does Quality mean to you?
   a) Way of life.
   b) brand of Ice cream.
   c) course in file maintenance.


Mail ur answers to :
--------------------
Mahesh Halpeth
Phone : (o) +44 171 250 6939
        (r) +44 181 572 9506

Email : mhalpeth@hotmail.com
        halpethm@oldstreet.agw.bt.co.uk

A Bombaite, a Bangalorian and a Madrasi went for a job interview in England.

Before the interview, they were told to compose sentences in English with three words : Green, Pink and Yellow.

The Bombayite was first : He said, "I wake up in the morning and I see the yellow sun, a green grass and I wish that my day will be a pink day."

The Banglorian came in second and said, "I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther show on T.V."

Then comes the Madrasi, (shaking his head and talking with an Madrasi accent) : "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone ringing 'green green', I pink it up and I say 'Yellow'."

Ek chuha ek sher ki shaadi mein jam ke bhangra kar raha tha.

Ek bande ne puchha, "Kyon yaar shaadi sher ki ho rahi hai aur khhushi tumko ho rahi hai, ye kaise?"

Chuha bola, "Khushi kyon nahin hogi, mere bhai ki shaadi jo hai!"

"Sher tera bhai kaise ho sakta hai?" us bande ne puchha.

Chuha bola, "Tujhe pata nahin, shaadi se pehle mein bhi sher tha!"

Hi,
You will forget your English by the time you finish reading this. Calcutta's "The Telegraph" has got hold of an answer paper of a candidate at the recent UPSC examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow :

"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadrupud, and because he is female, he give milk, but will do so when he is got child. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

His motion is slow only because he is of asitudinious species. Also his other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.

His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes like his relatives, the horse does not do so. This is the cow."


We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.

So kya khayal hai doston, UPSC ka exam de hi detey hain.

V. R. Mallya
DSQ Software Limited,
# 43, Bellary Road, Hebbal,
Bangalore - 560024.
Tel : +91-80-3331486/5484/5485
Fax : +91-80-3432988
E-mail : vrmallya@dsq.co.in / vijay_mallya@yahoo.com
Website : http://www.dsqsoft.com/

Residence :
House No. 113, Upstairs, III - Main, 3rd Cross
I - Stage, BEML Layout, Basaveshwaranagar,
Bangalore - 560079
Tel : +91-80-3223602

One day a florist goes for a haircut.

After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies : 'I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.'

The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank You card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies : 'I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.'

The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank You card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

An Indian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and barber replies : 'I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.'

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, what does he find there?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A dozen Indians waiting for a free haircut...

We all must have heard of ABCD
American Born Confused Desi...
But How about an ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ?

American Born Confused Desi, Emigrated/Escaped From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey, Keeping Lotsa' Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success Through, Underhanded Vicious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful/Zealous

God was in the process of creating the universe. And He was explaining to his angels...

"Everything should be in balance. For every 10 deers there should be a lion.

Look here, my angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension...

And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes...

And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they have to cut off the forests.

So you see, everything should be in balance."

One of the angels asked, "God, what is this beautiful country here?"

God said, "Aha... that is the crown piece of all - INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold."

The angel was quite surprised, "But God you said everything should be in balance..."

God replied, "LOOK AT THE NEIGHBOURS I GAVE THEM!!"

Bill Gates announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Hindi. Here are some Windows related terms that are proposed to be used in the Hindi version of ...Khidkiyan 'DoHazar (Windows 2000) :

1. Phaail = File
2. Bachao = Save
3. Aise Bachao = Save as
4. Subko Bachao = Save All
5. Mujhe Bachao = Help
6. Dhoondo = Find
7. Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
8. Hilao = Move
9. Dak = Mail
10. Dakiya = Mailer
11. Paas se dhekho = Zoom
12. Dhoor se dhekho = Zoom Out
13. Kholo = Open
14. Bandh Karo = Close
15. Naya = New
16. Purana/Khatara = Old
17. Badli Karo = Replace
18. Bhaago = Run
19. Chaapo = Print
20. Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview
21. Nakal Utaaro/Kaapi = Copy
22. Kaato = Cut
23. Chipkao = Paste
24. Payshal Chipkao = Paste Special
25. Goli Maaro = Delete
26. Nazaara = View
27. Hatyaar = Tools
28. Hatyaar Khamba = Toolbar
29. Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
30. Kalti Maaro = Exit
31. Ped = Tree
32. Thooso = Compress
33. Chooha = mouse
34. Tik Karo = Click
35. Tik-Tik Karo = Double Click
36. Idhar-se-Udhar = Forward
37. Khamba = Scrollbar

1. MICROSOFT WINDOWS 2000 - "ATISUKSHMA MULAYAM (Microsoft) KHIDKIYAAN (Windows) AVRUTTI (version) DOHAZAR (2000)"

2. Double Click with the left mouse button - Chuhe ke baye kaan ko zatpat do baar marodkar 'tadak-tadak' (clik-click) kariye

3. GPF (GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT) - Sarvasaadharan Suraksha Mein Gadbad

4. 'This program has performed an illegal operation - "Abort, Retry or Ignore?"' - "Is karyakram ne gairkanooni kaam kiya hai - zatak se bandkaro (abort), Koshish karte raho / Hum honge Kamyaab (retry), Goli Maro (Ignore)"

5. MS POWERPOINT - "AtiSukshma Mulayam ShaktiBindu"

6. MS WORD 6 - "AtiSukshma Mulayam Shabda Cheh"

7. ACCESS - "Pravesh Ki Sammati"

8. FOXPRO - "Lombdigiri (Lomiree) mein Maahir"

9. VISUAL C++ - "Nazaaraa C adhik hi adhik"

10. OFFICE 2000 - "Karyalaya 2000 mein"

11. Internet Explorer - "Taaron ke Jaal ka Sanshodhak"

12. Lotus Notes - "Kamal ke Ruppeye"

13. ACCESS DENIED - "Ghusne ki Agya nahi"

So you think you know all about BOMBAY Rly. Stns. having travelled continuously four years or more in the last five years, then think again and try this out...

Here is how you should go about this test...
1. The clues give the names of the stations.
2. The stations belong to all three Rlys.
3. You should be honest with yourself and allot only 2 mins.

So its simple you think... Go ahead and try for yourself... Happy solving...

1. Raja ka chakkar :
2. Alla ho Akbar :
3. Pandu's Thikana :
4. This place in darkness :
5. Steps...(Hint : Translate in the Gujju's Language)
6. Over the Valley :
7. Fair village :
8. Mighty Goddess :
9. Education resides here :
10. Your head is in Curd :
11. Barber's Village :
12. A road leading towards a devotional lady :
13. Your brother's in :

So how did you fare?

Here are the answers anyway...

1. King's Circle
2. Masjid
3. Thane
4. Andheri
5. Dadar
6. Ghatkopar
7. Goregaon
8. Mahalakshmi
9. Vidyavihar
10. Dahisar
11. Naigaon
12. Mira Road
13. Bhayander

Guruprasad Samant
mail to : guruprasad_bs@inf.com
Infosys
Powered by intellect. Driven by values.

In the film there is a famous song 'gaata rahe mera dil...'

In this song, Waheeda Rehman wears a pink saree and throughout the song wears the same dress.

So when we have a trend of heroines changing clothes every sequence, the big question is :

Why doesnt Waheda Rehman change her saree throughout the entire song?
|
|
|
|
|
(go on break your head over it!)
|
|
|
|
|
The answer is pretty simple...

Coz in the first stanza of the song, Dev Anand sings :

'Oo mere humrahi,
meri bah thamen chalna,
badle duniya "SAAREE"
tum na badalna...'

Q : What is the other name for Hansie's confessions?
A : Satanic verses

Q : What do u call Gibbs and Williams?
A : Hansie's cronies!

Q : What do u call a retreating cricket official?
A : Ali Backer!

Q : What perfume does Ali use?
A : Bacherose!

Q : What does Hansie have for lunch?
A : Johannesburger!

Q : Who is the only South African who hasn't taken money?
A : Nelson Mandela

Q : Why?
A : Coz he doesn't play cricket!

Q : What happened when Hansie tried to throw a match?
A : Jonty Rhodes caught it!

+ India wins Cricket match; 120 people die of shock.
+ Bihar sold to Pakistan; literacy soars up to 86% in India
+ Self-immolation best bet to reduce population : Dept. of Family Planning.
+ Population Statistics : 42% - Literate, 58% - Politicians
+ MF Hussian paints Mulayam Singh Yadav nude
+ Flood in Bihar; 2 die of thirst
+ India wins Gold in India versus Rest of India Games
+ Poverty to be eradicated in India using Virtual Reality Software
+ Laloo to be made National Animal
+ Freedom Fighters to be lathi-charged to commemorate 50 years of Independence.
+ Ramar Pillai produces Pottasium Permanganate from Rice, Water, a stick and some Pottasium Permanganate
+ No bombings in Kashmir today
+ Suit filed holding Rao responsible for Battle of Panipat, 1526
+ Ray of hope for India as Ravi Shastri retires
+ Doctorate conferred on Jayalalitha for completing 2 months in Jail
+ Death penalty upheld for Attempted Suicide victim

Do you believe I made them up?
laou, kedar.

On a dark crowded highway
Brylcreem in my hair
Warm smell of parathas
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My eyes grew dim and my head grew light
I had to stop for the night

There they stood in the doorway
They were desis you could tell
I got out fearfully
Saying this will surely be hell
All around us were buildings
Sun, SGI and Dell
I slowly unloaded my things
In the shadows of Intel

And still those parking lots were full of Hondas
Waiting up in the middle of the night
To be driven home by programers

Welcome to the town of Sunnyvale
Such a desi place,
Such a crazy place
We're livin' it up in the town of Sunnyvale
Such a nice surprise,
So many people with no lives

My heartstrings were twisted
I wanted to feel at home
Where thousands of desis existed
And no white man dared roam

Sambar stains on the ceilings
Mango lassis on ice
Sit and watch the paint peeling
Or make daal and boil rice

But my mind revolted
At the very thought
I grabbed my bag and bolted
I'd escape no matter what

And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night I can hear them say
Welcome to the town of Sunnyvale
Such a desi place,
Such a crazy place
We're livin' it up in the town of Sunnyvale
Such a nice surprise,
So many people with no lives

All times are ET (US)

A few excerpts from the pilot episode of Kaun Banega Crorepati, which was never aired for obvious reasons :

AMITABH BACHCHAN : So, Contestant One, you will win Rs. 1,000/- if you answer this question correctly. What is the capital of India?

CONTESTANT ONE   : The capital of India is I.

BACHCHAN         : Sure?

CONTESTANT       : Sure.

BACHCHAN         : Pakka?

CONTESTANT       : Pakka.

BACHCHAN         : Shall I log in? Or should I lock it?

CONTESTANT       : Lock it? Why would you want to lock it? Why don't you let it be free? I mean, what's India without its I?

BACHCHAN         : The computer says your answer is wrong. The capital of India is New Delhi. I am sorry that you came nowhere close to being a CROREPATI, but you definitely have my SYMPATHY.

AMITABH BACHCHAN : Here is your chance to win Rs. 1,000/-. So Contestant two, who wrote the book Freedom At Midnight?

CONTESTANT TWO   : Freedom At Midnight was written by somebody who slept through the day.

BACHCHAN         : Sure?

CONTESTANT TWO   : Sure.

BACHCHAN         : Confident?

CONTESTANT TWO   : Confident.

BACHCHAN         : Pakka?

CONTESTANT TWO   : Pakka.

BACHCHAN         : Shall I lo..?

CONTESTANT TWO   : Log in, lock it or boil it in coconut oil, I don't care. Just tell me fast whether I am getting thousand rupees for that brilliant answer or not. It's okay for you to keep asking me the same thing again and again in so many different words. After all, this is your show.

BACHCHAN         : Afsos!! The computer says your answer is wrong. Freedom at Midnight was actually written by a married man on night shift.

CONTESTANT TWO   : Thanks to your computer's apathy, there goes my chance of being a crorepati.

AMITABH BACHCHAN : So Contestant Three, you will win Rs. 1000/- if you answer this question correctly. Who invented the roti maker?

CONTESTANT THREE : My wife.

BACHCHAN         : I suggest you use one of the helplines and phone somebody for the correct answer.

CONTESTANT THREE : Okay, I will phone my wife.

BACHCHAN         : Computer, please call up his wife. Hello, ma'am, main Amitabh Bachchan bol rahan hoon from Kaun Banega Crorepati...

WIFE             : Kaun Banega Crorepati? Listen, if my husband is sitting there in front of you, please give him the phone.

CONTESTANT THREE : Hi, darling.

WIFE             : What are you doing there? You should be here, next to me in the kitchen, Kaun Baneyaga Chappati?

BACHCHAN         : Your time is up, Contestant Three. So do you have the answer?

CONTESTANT THREE : I told you. My wife invented the roti maker. I am the roti maker. And I want to withdraw from this show. I don't want to be a crorepati. Just being a pati is tough enough.

Amitabh is questioning a guy on KBC.
He asks him, "Meri company ka naam kya hain?"
Options :
      A) Infosys
      B) Wipro
      C) ABCL
      D) HLL
The guys says, "ABCL."
Amitabh asks, "Sure, confident?"
The guys says, "Yes confident."
Amitabh says, "Computerji ABCL ko tala laga do."
The computer replies, "Abe gadhe ABCL ko 2 saal se tala laga hua hain!"

Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif. They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes. Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement.

"Nawazbhai will make the announcement," is all Laloo says.

Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached! The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! "How did you do it, what did you promise?" the press clamours.

"Sab Akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge free doonga, video khareedein to cellphone free... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye : "Aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!"

A bengali, marwari and gujrati get into a carwreck. Upon arrival at the heaven Gates, Chitragupt informs them that it is not their time, they were not supposed to die yet.

He offers them a deal, 'You give me 20 Rs, and I'll let you go back down and live the rest of your lives out.'

The bengali says, 'Fair enough,' and hands Chitragupt twenty. Back on earth at the accident scene, he sits bolt upright, shocking the paramedics that had just pronounced him dead. They all gather around to ask him what happened.

'Well, it wasn't my time, so I paid 20 bucks and he let me come back from the dead.'

Noticing the other victims remained lifeless, the paramedics ask why they didn't also take Chitragupt up on his offer.

The bengali rolls his eyes and says, 'Oh, the marwari is trying to talk him down to Rs 12.50, and the gujju is waiting for the Government to pay for it.'

Lets hope this happens by year 2020!!!
Wishful thinking, but...

Year                     : 2020
Place                    : Two Americans at IBM, USA.
Currency Conversion Rate : Rs. 1.00 = $ 100.

Alex : Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?

John : Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.

Alex : Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very strict.

John : Yeah, but I managed to get it.

Alex : How long it took to get it stamped?

John : Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front of me and they played with him like anything. Thats why it got delayed. I went there at 2 am itself and waited and returned by 4 pm.

Alex : Really? In India, it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA.

John : Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming to USA, man! Their economy has been booming.

Alex : So, when are you leaving?

John : Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true.

Alex : How long are you going to stay in India.

John : What do you mean by how long? I will be settled in India, my company has promised me that they will process my Hara-Patta.

Alex : Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara-Patta in India.

John : Yeah, thats why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.

Alex : But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad & Bangalore.

John : But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured.

Alex : Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?

John : Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is Rs. 1000/- for a single room accommodation.

Alex : I see, that's too much for US people, Rs. 1 = $ 100. Oh God! What about in Chennai, Mumbai?

John : No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like the world headquarters of Software.

Alex : I heard, almost all the Indians have one personal Robot for help.

John : You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000, and a personal Robot for less than Rs.7500. But my dream is to purchase an Ambassador, which costs Rs.200,000, but has got a sexy design.

Alex : By the way, who is your client?

John : Reddy and Naidu Associates, a pure Indian company, specializing in Embedded Software.

Alex : Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really intelligent and unlike American Bodyshoppers who have opened their Fly-by-night outfits in India. Indian companies pay you in full even when you are on bench. My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to visit Bihar, the most livable place in India, probably the world. There you have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want! I wonder how that state has perfected that system.

John : Yeah man, you are right. I hope our America also follows their footsteps.

Alex : How are you going to cope with their language?

John : Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in Hindi and were quite impressed by my 100% score in TOHIL i.e. Test of Hindi as International Language.

Alex : So, you are going to have fun there.

John : Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like, Hrithik, and all. Esselworld is also near to Bollywood.

Alex : You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then relax the number of visas.

John : That's true. Last month, Narayanamurthy visited White House and donated Rs. 2000 for infrastructure development at Silicon Valley and has promised more if we follow the model of High-Tech City of Hyderabad. Bill Gates also got a chance to meet him. Very lucky person.

Alex : But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy's Infosys.

John : He is a hard working man, he can build any number of Infosys like this. Every minute he earns Rs. 1000. It seems, if you keep all his money in Rs. 100 notes in a line you can reach Pluto.

Alex : OK, Good Luck John.

John : Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a Kurta Pyjama because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will ever come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But don't forget to say, "Namaste, Aap kaise hai" to the Visa officer at Window 5. It seems he likes that and sometimes will not give you a visa if you don't greet him that way.

To yaroo ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

BEGGAR
Bhagwan ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de,
Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de,
Bhagwan tujhe ek ke badle do dega,
Hillery hogi to Monika bhi dega

LAWYER
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly - a girl. The girl should be willing to surender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.
Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

BOATMAN
Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor. Please send the photograph of motorboat.

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

SHAAYAR
Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai,
Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye,
Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi,
To yaroo ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

CAR MECHANIC
Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. Dent won't be tolerated especially in the head gear.

BEVDA (Drunkard)
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friend come home only seven times a week.Girl preferred who can carry me from bar & to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

# Inside the Class :
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh... Quiet, boys... the principal just passed away in the corridor.
* You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class)
* Both of you three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please... I have winter in my nose today...
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver...
* Take 5 cm wire of any length...

# About his family :
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)

# At the ground :
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the ball.

# To a boy, angrily :
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# Giving a punishment :
* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO...(?)

# Sir at his best :
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.
So the next day at school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre."

Q : What is the HINDI dubbed version of the movie TITANIC called?
A : "Doobti Naiya me Savaar Sainya"

Hi everybody!

I am putting in a fair bit of effort to collect these Email Ids. I am sure that most of you don't know me. Sorry for spamming all of you. But when I read things about Germans trying to lure Indians to work in Germany I am very very disturbed because of the things that me & my friends have had to put during our stay in Germany.

I am a s/w engineer & I was working in one of the well known Indian companies. I left the Indian company to work in Germany & under the new relaxed rules I managed to get a work / residence permit. But Germany I discovered was not the place for Indians.

Trouble started the second I landed at Frankfurt Airport. The airport officials don't like Indians, one can see it in their behavior and attitude. All of us were made to go through very various security checks, they even checked our bags while the other European passengers were allowed to go with minimum checks. This is horrible for me as I was the only girl in this group.

It appears there was lot of public resentment against the Governments decision to bring Indians. Even at work we Indians were not offered rooms, while fresh German & other European graduates were having their own cabin.

Outside the office things were even worse, we had problems getting taxis to pick us up. THe accommodation arranged for us was very very cheap while the people from other European countries were given very good accommodation.

Some of the boys who were with us wanted to go to a bar on the weekend but they were denied entry.

Racism is very rampant on the streets especially in smaller cities like Frankfurt. This was all too much for us to bear so some of my friends went back to India & some went to the US & I am now in another friendly European country.

So friends please please be very very careful & don't fall for the Green card scheme from Germany.

Please consider the following...

1. The german green card is not at all like the American Green card. German card only allows you to be in Germany for 3 years.
2. Racism is very very rampant in Germany cities especially the smaller ones & no one wants Indians there (except the government).
3. German companies are not equal opportunity employers.
4. The best place to work in is of course India... But if you people are very keen on going abroad then please go to America.
5. Imagine for a moment that all the Indians who went to the US to study or work went to Germany instead of US... do you think they would have ever been treated well & given equal opportunities as in the US. Indians in the US have prospered and shined because US is a country that respects one talents & education not race. In Germany the most important factor is race.

Infact the Germans hold the view that if at all they ever needed foreign labor they would like the Eastern Europeans to come in instead of the DIRTY INDIANS.

Please send this mail to as many Indians as possible. Let them not make the same mistake that my friends and me made...

Here's a MARATHI joke... lets see how many of you get it :)

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks... 'Peru aahe ka?'

The shopkeeper says... 'Nahi. Amhi peru vikat naahi.'

Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him... 'Peru aahe ka?'

He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare sangitla na, amhi peru vikat naahi.'

On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him... 'peru aahe ka?'

He gets wild and yells... 'Sangitla na naahi mhanun. Aata parat aalas tar dokyavar hathoda mareen.'

The next day, the parrot comes again and asks him... 'hathoda aahe ka?'

The shopkeeper says... 'Naahi.'

The parrot then asks... 'Peru aahe ka?'

Q : What does a Maharashtrian call his Kinetic Honda?
A : Kai Ho!

Q : What do you call a westernised Maharashtrian?
A : Western Ghat.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian tailor?
A : Sadashiv.

Q : Which Maharashtrians wrote the book "Apartheid in South Africa"?
A : Dhaval Gore and Krishnakant Kale.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian school in Japan?
A : Ya Shika.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian airconditioner mechanic?
A : Aneel Gaarware.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian who told off his Russian boss?
A : Bosslaghaski.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian who laughs at his Russian boss?
A : Khudkanhaslaski.

Q : What do you call Maharashtrian bermudas?
A : Dada Kondkes.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian botanist?
A : Champabai Hirve.

Q : How does the Maharashtrian clerk ask for a bribe?
A : He says : Kaaydya Ni Chala!
      Didn't get it? Kaay Dya Ni Chala!

Q : What do u call a sexy pair of Maharashtrian Chappals?
A : Padmini Kolhapuris

Q : What do you call an amazing Malayalee?
A : Pheno Menon.

Q : What do you call a dashing Malayalee?
A : Debo Nair.

Q : Why did the Malayalee cross the road?
A : To join the union on the other side.

Q : What's the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
A : Comepalakrishnan.

Q : What do you call a colourful Tamilian?
A : Rangamannar Rangarajan.

Q : Why did Bill Clinton have the Gujju beaten?
A : The Gujju told him, "You are an IMPOTENT man."

Q : Why won't the gujju jeweler sell anything to the UP ka bhayiya?
A : The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for KESH.

Q : Why did the gujju go to Rome?
A : He wanted to listen to POPE music.

Q : Why did the gujju go to London?
A : To see Big Ben (behn).

Q : What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro STATES ma gayon"?
A : Ramesh's son failed in statistics...

Q : Why was the gujju stacking up one-cent coins on the day before exams?
A : He wanted to get "cent-par-cent".

Q : What did the Gujju have in the morning?
A : Light SNAKES for breakfast.

Q : Why did the visitor to the Gujju home run away when he was offered tea?
A : Because the Gujju said he would serve "snakes" with it.

Q : Why did the gujjus think Gandhi was acted by a woman in "GANDHI"?
A : They read Ben (behn) Kingsley did the acting.

Q : Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
A : Because he said "Sue kare chhe".

Q : What will a Gujju tell a tomato who is trailing in a vegetable race?
A : Come on, Tomato, Ketch up!

Q : What do you call a corrupt Sindhi?
A : Chaipani.

Q : Why are a Sindhi's nostrils big?
A : Because the air is free.

Q : What do you call a Sindhi who is forgetful?
A : Bhulchandani.

Q : What do you call a Sindhi electrician?
A : Bijlani.

Q : What do you call a Sindhi Postman?
A : Mailwani.

Q : What do you call a Sindhi millionaire?
A : Lakhani.

Q : What do you call a Sindhi cook?
A : Kukreja.

Q : What do you call a fat Sindhi?
A : Hathiramani.

Q : What do you call a ill-tempered Sindhi?
A : Hotchandani.

Q : What do you call an NRI Sindhi?
A : Americani or Hongkongani.

Q : What do you call an enlightened Bengali?
A : Jyoti Basu.

Q : What do you call a talkative Bengali?
A : Bolbol Chatterjee.

Q : What do you call an outlawed Bengali?
A : Bonduk Bannerjee.

Q : What do you call a dark Bengali in a dark cave?
A : Kalidas Guha.

Q : When does the Bengali sound like a dog?
A : When he bharks (works).

WE FINALLY COME TO SARDARJI JOKES... WHICH NOT SURPRISINGLY... ARE A LOT! NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE THOUGH!
                    - WebMaster

So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road.

Can you guess what he might be thinking???

Saala aaj bhi girna padega..."

Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.

His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied, "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and thought... and at last I wrote 'THUNK'!!!"

A Sardar named Santa Singh lived in England and was very popular with the people in his neighborhood. He was a regular at the local pub, and met up with the locals there and they all had a great time together. But his English friends were a bit disappointed that the Sardar didn't make any effort to learn English and communicated in sign language or broken English with them.

One day the Sardar announced to them that he was going on vacation to India and would be back in 3 months. His beer drinking buddies decided to offer him an English speaking parrot to take to India with him. They figured that by speaking English with the parrot their friend would end up speaking English.

When Santa Singh came back from vacation and joined his buddies in the bar, they asked him whether the parrot had helped him learn English.

Santa Singh mustered up all the English at his command and said, "Velly good! Taste like tandoori chicken!"

Santa Singh and Banta singh got fed up with Indian Government and decided to blow up the Parliament. They put the plastic explosives in the back seat of their two door maruti and were off to their mission.

Santa singh, "Bantaiaaya! what if bomb went off right now?"

Banta singh, "Don't worry! I got a spare bomb in Trunk."

A man is driving his brand new Porsche on the Autobahn in Germany. He is cruising at a cool 220 kmph. Out of nowhere comes this Surd... riding a Honda.

The Surd looks at the guy in the Porsche and says mockingly :
      "Oeee Kade Honda Chalaee hai?"
      (Have you ever riden a Honda?)

brrrrroooooommm...... the Honda fades into the distance...

Our man in the Porsche is furious, how dare a Honda take on a Porsche. He steps on the gas, and soon overtakes the Surd on the Honda, giving him the finger. New cruising speed; a cool 240 kmph. Few minutes later... out of nowhere comes the Surd on the Honda.

      "Oeee Kade Honda Chalaee hai?"

brrrroooommmm........ the Honda turns into a speck on the road.

The Porsche accelerates again, and this time overtakes the Honda doing 280 kmph.
The lead changes hands many time in the next 20 minutes or so. Each time the Surd on the Honda overtakes the Porsche he says :

      "Oeee Kade Honda Chalaee hai."

The Porschewala can take it no longer. He floors it - overtakes the Honda - and is quite sure that the !@#$% Surd wont be able to catch up with him. He even waits for the Surd at the next Rest Area.
10-15-20-25-30 minutes later... no sign of the Surd.
The Porschewala backtracks and comes around again. He finds the Honda crashed into a tree, with the Surd hanging from a branch, semiconcious. The Surd sees the Porsche guy and says in a feeble voice :

      "Kade Honda Chalaee hai?"

Porsche guy says, "Benchood hun taan bas kar."
                  (Haven't you had enough?)

Surd : "Paaji mai taan thonu puch raha see... BRAKE kithe nain?"
       (All I wanted to know was... where are the BRAKES?)

Report submitted by Banta Singh to his manager after completing his Y2K verification task.

Dear Sir,

      Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards :

Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December

As well as :

Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak.

      I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await your direction."

Very Sincerely

Banta Singh
Y2K Project Leader

Sardar Dhakaal Singh is a big hunter. Once he went to a zoo. At that time a big tiger escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent everyone out of the zoo and closed the main gate. Now the tiger is inside the zoo but wandering freely.

Zoo people requested Sardar to be inside and trap the tiger in a cage. Scared but to avoid insult he went into the zoo in his jeep carrying a big gun.

While driving on one of the zoo's roads, he noticed that the tiger is chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast but only to observe that the tiger was closing on to the jeep.

At that time the road separated into two paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right. Then cleverly Dhakaal put the left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on the right.

The tiger ran into the left path. With a sigh of relief, he drove forward. After some time the roads meet and the same situation arises again. Once more the road divides into two and this time our sardar is smart enough to put the right indicator on and turn to left. This time the tiger goes into the road on right side.

After some time the roads meet again to our sardar's misfortune and the tiger starts to chase him again. This time the road never divides and our sardar thought the tiger would catch him. Then a brilliant idea struck his mind.

He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of the road. Then he holds his hand outside and a gives signal which is given for vehicles which want to overtake. The tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs forward.

NOW TELL ME WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY?

ANSWER BELOW.........
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
MORAL : "The tiger is also from Punjab."