+ Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
+ Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
+ Yo momma so fat we're in her right now.
+ Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
+ Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
+ Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
+ Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the New World.
+ Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy.
+ Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
+ Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say, "Taxi!"
+ Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
+ Yo momma so fat she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
+ Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
+ Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.
+ Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
+ Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
+ Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
+ Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it reads, "One at a time, please!"
+ Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
+ Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
+ Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
+ Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
+ Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
+ Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
+ Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
+ Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
+ Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
+ Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
+ Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
+ Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
+ Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
+ Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
+ Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
+ Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
+ Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
+ Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
+ Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
+ Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!
+ Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!
+ Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
+ Yo momma so fat her college graduation pictures had to be aerial views.
+ Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
+ Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
+ Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
+ Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean....
+ Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
+ Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
+ Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
+ Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
+ Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
+ Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
+ Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
+ Yo momma so fat she gets runs in her jeans.
+ Yo momma so fat when she backs up she beeps.
+ Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
+ Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
+ Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
+ Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
+ Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
+ Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her.
+ Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
+ Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
+ Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
+ Yo momma so fat that she can't tie her own shoes.
+ Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
+ Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
+ Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
+ Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.
+ Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.
+ Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
+ Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
+ Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
+ Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
+ Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
+ Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
+ Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
+ Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!
+ Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
+ Yo momma so fat when she haul ass she gotta make two trips.
+ Yo momma so fat when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 18 years to live.
+ Yo momma so fat she put mayonnaise on aspirin.
+ Yo momma so fat her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
+ Yo momma so fat her driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
+ Yo momma so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
+ Yo momma so fat when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
+ Yo momma so fat when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
+ Yo momma so fat she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
+ Yo momma so fat she sells shade.
+ Yo momma so fat when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
+ Yo momma so fat I ran around her twice and got lost.
+ Yo momma so fat when she goes to a restaurant, she don't get a menu, she get an estimate.
+ Yo momma so fat if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
+ Yo momma so fat she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
+ Yo momma so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.

+ Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
+ Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
+ Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a bowl and a spoon.
+ Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read.
+ Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.
+ Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
+ Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
+ Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
+ Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
+ Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
+ Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
+ Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
+ Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
+ Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
+ Yo momma so stupid she asked you, "What is the number for 911?"
+ Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
+ Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "OK".
+ Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shootout.
+ Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
+ Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
+ Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
+ Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
+ Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
+ Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
+ Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
+ Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
+ Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
+ Yo momma so stupid she bought a video camera to record cable tv shows at home.
+ Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
+ Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
+ Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
+ Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics".
+ Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
+ Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
+ Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
+ Yo mama so stupid, she thinks hamburger helper comes with another person.
+ Your Mama's so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.

+ Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals".
+ Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
+ Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
+ Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make monster cookies!
+ Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
+ Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
+ Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
+ Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.
+ Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
+ Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say, "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
+ Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
+ Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
+ Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
+ Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote!
+ Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
+ Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
+ Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
+ Yo momma so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!
+ Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
+ Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life.
+ Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
+ Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
+ Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
+ Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
+ Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
+ Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.

+ Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
+ Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
+ Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'
+ Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
+ Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
+ Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
+ Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
+ Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
+ Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
+ Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

+ Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving".
+ Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
+ Yo momma so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.
+ Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"
+ Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
+ Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
+ Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
+ Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

+ Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

+ Yo momma so short she poses for trophies!
+ Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence!
+ Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
+ Yo momma so short she can play handball on the curb.
+ Yo momma so short she does backflips under the bed.
+ Yo momma so short she models for trophys.

+ Yo momma so nasty she gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!
+ Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
+ Yo momma so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.
+ Yo momma so nasty she made right guard turn left.
+ Yo momma so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave.
+ Yo momma so nasty that her shit is glad to escape.
+ Yo momma so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off.

+ Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
+ Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
+ Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

+ Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
+ Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!
+ Yo momma so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her.

+ Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
+ Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!

+ Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

+ Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
+ Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

+ Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
+ Yo momma so bald you can see whats on her mind.
+ Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

+ Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
+ Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
+ Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

+ Yo momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
+ Yo momma's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

+ Yo momma has an afro with a chin strap.
+ Yo momma has one leg and a bicycle.
+ Yo momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.
+ Yo momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
+ Yo momma has one hand and a Clapper.
+ Yo momma has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back.
+ Yo momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree.
+ Yo momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.
+ Yo momma has a 'fro with warning lights.
+ Yo momma has 10 fingers -- all on the same hand.
+ Yo momma has a glass eye with a fish in it.
+ Yo momma has a short leg and walks in circles.
+ Yo momma has a short arm and can't applaude.
+ Yo momma got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!
+ Yo momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns.
+ Yo momma got a wooden leg with branches.
+ Yo momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
+ Yo momma got a metal afro with rusty sideburns.

+ Yo momma house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.
+ Yo momma house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.

+ Yo momma house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
+ Yo momma house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

+ Yo momma hair so short when she braided it they looked like stitches.
+ Yo momma hair so short she curls it with rice.

+ Yo momma head so big she has to step into her shirts.
+ Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.

+ Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

+ Yo momma wears knee-pads and yells, "Curb Service!"
+ Yo momma feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
+ Yo momma aint so bad... she would give you the hair off of her back!
+ Yo momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
+ Yo momma took 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldn't get used to the front seat!
+ Yo momma hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
+ Yo momma hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
+ Yo momma so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
+ Yo momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
+ Yo momma twice the man you are.
+ Yo momma cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
+ Yo momma is missing a finger and can't count past 9.
+ Yo momma arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
+ Yo momma in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."
+ Yo momma rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.
+ If my dog had a face as ugly as your momma's, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards.
+ Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
+ Yo momma gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.
+ Yo momma breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
+ I saw your momma at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.
+ Yo momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.
+ yo mama so skinny, she hang glides with a Dorito.
+ Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
+ Yo momma so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.
+ Your mom is such a monster, when they put her on geraldo, they had to airlift her out of the house.
+ Your Mom's like a bowling ball she always winds up in the gutter.

-+- I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
-+- I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
-+- I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
-+- I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
-+- I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
-+- I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
-+- I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.
-+- I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
-+- I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
-+- I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
-+- I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
-+- I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
-+- I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
-+- I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
-+- I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
-+- I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
-+- I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
-+- I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
-+- I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
-+- I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
-+- I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
-+- I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
-+- I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
-+- I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.
-+- I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
-+- I've learned that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

-+- I've learned that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
-+- I've learned that when you're in love, it shows.
-+- I've learned that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
-+- I've learned that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
-+- I've learned that being kind is more important than being right.
-+- I've learned that you should never say no to a gift from a child.
-+- I've learned that I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
-+- I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
-+- I've learned that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
-+- I've learned that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
-+- I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
-+- I've learned that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
-+- I've learned that money doesn't buy class.
-+- I've learned that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
-+- I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
-+- I've learned that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
-+- I've learned that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
-+- I've learned that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
-+- I've learned that love, not time, heals all wounds.
-+- I've learned that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
-+- I've learned that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
-+- I've learned that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
-+- I've learned that life is tough, but I'm tougher.
-+- I've learned that opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
-+- I've learned that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
-+- I've learned that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
-+- I've learned that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
-+- I've learned that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
-+- I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
-+- I've learned that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
-+- I've learned that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

-+- I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
-+- I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
-+- I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
-+- I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
-+- I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones who do.
-+- I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
-+- I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
-+- I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Pass this along to 5 friends... trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows -- maybe something good will happen.

If not... tough shit.

1. Elementary Map Reading
2. Crying and Law Enforcement
3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming your VCR Plus
4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World : A Study in Contrast
6. The Seven-outfit Week
7. PMS : It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine (Formerly titled : "It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty - Deal with It")
8. Driving I : Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
9. Driving II : The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights
10. Driving III : Approximating Constant Speed
11. Driving IV : Makeup and Driving - It's as Simple as Oil and Water
12. Football : Not a Game - A Sacrament
13. Telephone Transitions : (Formerly Titled : "Me too Equals I Love You")
14. How to Earn Your Own Money
15. Gift-Giving Fundamentals (Formerly Titled : "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good")
16. Putting the Toilet Seat Down by Yourself : Gravity is on Your Side
17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty" : The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
18. Yes, You Can Fill Up at a Self Service Station
19. Joys of the Remote Control : Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels
20. What Goes Around Comes Around : Why his Credit Card is Not a Toy
21. His Best Friends Can Be Yours Too
22. His Poker Games : Deal Yourself Out
23. Committment Schmittment (Formerly Titled "Wedlock Schmedlock")
24. To Honor and Obey : Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"
25. Why Your Mother is Unwelcome in the House
26. Your Mate : Self Bastard or Victimized Sensitive Man?

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

5. At least there'e one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!

6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing.

7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

10. If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents!

11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!

16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.

17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

18. He has a mind like a steel trap -- always closed!

19. You are a man of the world -- and you know what sad shape the world is in.

20. He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory.

21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

22. He is known as a miracle comic. If he's funny, it's a miracle!

23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?

24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!

28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.

30. How would you like to feel the way you look?

31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years?

33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly.

34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.

35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!

38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all.

39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

38. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!

41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
3. Stick up for you, but still respect your independence.
4. Be so wrapped up in everything else, but still have time for you.
5. Fit his arms firmly around you.
6. Hint that he wants to kiss you.
7. His hands always find yours.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
9. Never run out of new games to play.
10. Never run out of good jokes.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny, but know when to be serious.
13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.
14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
16. Smile.
17. Kiss you.
18. Try to hide that one stuffed animal when you come over.
19. Act like Mr. Big.
20. Apologize for acting like Mr. Big.
21. Ask you for a pen in class and you know he has one.
22. Blast the music when he picks up the phone.
23. Turn it off when he notices that you are on the phone.
24. Look at you during class and make you get butterflies in your stomach.
25. Hug you on a bad day and the clouds seem to lift.